I’m five months into motherhood and one thing i’ve learned is that, for me, with each new transition comes a wave of new emotions.

Now that i’ve come out of the newborn fog anxiety and complex emotional and physical upheaval of a traumatic birth (can we talk more about the challenges of postpartum?!), I can finally see a lot more clearly.

The trouble is, instead of a fog, now i’m seeing through teary eyes.

Because right in front of me, i’m witnessing time pass. I’m witnessing growth, and change, and milestone and memories all right there in my hands one second and in a moment, gone.

A baby who was once so tiny he fit scrunched up on my shoulder, is now over two feet in length and heavy enough for me to not need to lift weights during workouts anymore.

A baby who couldn’t hold his head up is now rolling around and sitting up and gets a thrill when we brace him as he stands.

A baby who couldn’t go to sleep without being rocked in someone’s arms is now able to be put down in his crib wide awake and soothe himself to sleep (sometimes).

A baby who could barely open his eyes now takes in the outdoors with wonder, stares back at himself in the mirror with a smile, and has a myriad of emotions radiating through those baby blues.

A baby who once didn’t recognize his own hands is now using them to hold my face in his palms as he giggles.

A baby whose first word was “mom”.

A baby.

My baby.

And maybe it’s not the transitions that make me sappy, but it’s the love.

The love that has depths of which I have never known before. The love that shattered me open, threw my fears to the floor, and begged me to become an entirely new version of myself, with a heart that’s twice as big and just as tender.

A love that will push me to hold all of these moments so very close.

And a love that will remind me to hold my baby even closer.