When life hands you lemons, sometimes it makes you a little bitter. And by lemons, I mean traffic tickets.

Initially this may seem like a bit of a rant, but bear with me until the end. It all comes together, I promise.

I coach the JV cheerleading team at North Tonawanda High School. In order to coach, you have to have your fingerprints done. My scheduled appointment was for 9 a.m. this morning. I let my boss know the day before that I would be a little late to work and I was set to go.

Here are the events leading up to my tiny little prints getting scanned:

Sleepy little me decided to press the snooze button one too many times. I mean, have you listened to the new alarm tones for iOS7? They’re so relaxing! I couldn’t help but stay snuggled up in bed for a few extra minutes.

Already a little behind, I of course took way too long deciding which color blazer I wanted to wear. God forbid my color combination wasn’t on point for a day that entailed sitting behind a giant computer screen. If only I were allowed to wear crew neck sweatshirts to work…

Finally dressed, out the door I went. I walked down the street, hopped into my car and was ready to go. But wait! I left my lunch box on my dining room table. Since I am trying to eat healthier and didn’t want to fall back on buying cafeteria food, back up to my apartment I went.

Okay, okay. Now I’m ready to go. I hopped on the 190S to head to North Tonawanda. Four exits later I realize I AM GOING THE WRONG WAY. Muscle memory is a real problem when you’re taking a quick break from a normal routine. I got off at the next exit (way down by the Outer Harbor if you’re familiar with Buffalo,) and started my journey yet again.

With my mind on where I had to go rather than where I was, my heart dropped down to my tiny toes when I saw a cop car up on the side of the road ahead of me. Checked my speedometer. 64 in a 45. Good job, Katie.

Flashing a pitiful and worry-ridden pout face, I said “Yes, officer. I know why I’m being pulled over. I really apologize.”

She had zero sympathy. Not even a little bit. Dangit all.

20 minutes and one court date later, I finally made it to the high school for my appointment which I was now 40 minutes late to.

IT TOOK LESS THAN THREE MINUTES TO GET MY FINGER PRINTS DONE.

Yes, capital letters were required.

If I had just woken up at the sound of the first alarm, If I didn’t make a crime scene out of my room by going through my entire closet, If I had remembered to grab my lunch, If I had gotten on the right highway the first time…

If, If, If.

I played the events of my morning in my head over and over again and then I realized it was doing me no good. I can’t go back and change how it all happened. You’re going to make mistakes, wake up late, have a lead foot when driving to get somewhere “important” and kick yourself for it later on.

Sometimes you really just have to forgive yourself for being a total and complete idiot.

Buffalo, in the four years I have had a car in this city, I have officially given you $560 in parking tickets and I’m sure that number will go up by a few hundred after my court date for this incident.

You’re welcome for all of my money. Go buy yourself something nice.