You can’t avoid the inevitable. It hits you. On a random Wednesday night as you’re walking to your car after the gym. It happens at the exact moment that you finally feel like you’re strong enough to really enjoy the little things again. The situation gets hashed out just once more... as if you needed to be put in the middle of an exhausting circumstance for what seems like the millionth time.
But sometimes that millionth time is what you need for the scale to finally balance itself out. That millionth time finally puts you in the position to get rid of all the lies and insincerity that’s been concealed by a pretty face and a few sly conversations.
The inevitable comes at you for a reason. It hits you so that you can finally accept that you don’t need to tolerate mediocrity. I’m a big believer that you have a choice in everything that you do. So choose to surround yourself with good people, those who make you laugh and smile and feel grateful to be alive. Choose to stick up for yourself, especially against those who may have previously had a strong upper hand in your life. Choose to speak your mind, even if it scares the daylights out of you and you know that the outcome of your words will likely be the breaking of your heart. Choose to start all over again. If your past hurt you, leave it there. Embrace the lessons you learned but then shut the door and don’t look back.
Screw mediocrity. Strive for the best, accept only the best, and in due time, that is exactly what you will get.
I hold on too long. I turn spiteful when I’ve been hurt; I don’t regret it. I over-plan, over-analyze, and over-look the negatives because I choose to be happy in the moment and deal with the painful consequences later on. It will never be easy for me to see an ex with someone else, no matter how much time has passed or how much better of a fit they may be. My relationships have always been kept too close to my heart to realistically separate them from logic.
I follow my instincts to a fault. I have made mistakes and hurt those who have not deserved it. I ask questions that no one could possibly have the answer to. On most days I’m rambunctious to the point of annoyance. I usually react and then 20 minutes later wish I had handled the situation a little differently. My mind plans for a future that has never once in my whole life turned out the way I had imagined it. I forgive too quickly and am too stubborn to forget. My curiosity kicks me in the ass and makes my mind run in circles…
But despite all of that, I love with everything that I have. I faithfully commit. I will never lie. I speak my mind and say exactly how I feel, despite whether it’s ‘the right thing to say’ or not. I will never intentionally hurt. I take risks and allow myself to be completely vulnerable. You can find my heart right on my sleeve at any given moment and know with certainty that what you see is what you get. My days are filled with laughter, optimism, and good intentions. And above all else, I believe that even during the darkest of times, things will somehow work out. I believe that I will not be just okay, I will be happy. If for no other reason than because with every fiber in my being, that is all I want out of life, and that is what I will get.