life lessons

Of the essence

by Katie Welker

Two years have gone by since my brother passed away.

Two years since I got that phone call.

Two years since I wrote his obituary.

Two years since I read his eulogy.

Two years.

I know as the years continue to pass i’ll say, “wow – I can’t believe it’s been 5 years!” and, “wow – I can’t believe it’s been 10 years!” I’ll always be in a state of disbelief.

I can say with a fair amount of certainty that we have all lost someone dear to us. And it’s tough to tell how you’ll feel when a day like this sneaks up on you. Because there was such a strong unpredictability about how today would feel for me, I decided to plan ahead and give myself one simple thing: time.

Time off of work for one day. Time to perhaps organize my apartment, go to a yoga class, spend time with one of my most uplifting girlfriends, call my twin sister, check in on my family… just a little extra time.

Because one thing I realized is that time is a luxury we rarely ever have when we want it the most.

I don’t have the luxury of time to go back to my brother and have the million conversations that I wish I could. I don’t have time to hug him once more or tell him I love him. I don’t have time to argue with him over whether or not to keep Taylor Swift on the radio, or whose team is going to win the football game.

In the relationship between my brother and myself, I am completely and utterly out of time.

That is a heartbreaking reality that two years later i’m still learning how to both manage and adapt to.

Yet on the positive flip side – because I always fight to find one – I’m now acutely aware of this luxury of time, and day by day am trying to take advantage of the brutal lessons i’ve learned through the loss of my brother.

I’m trying to make the most of the time I have with those who I still have it with.

Whether that means taking extra vacation time to see my family over the holidays, or finally – after 10 years of friendship – having the courage to commit to a relationship with the man of my dreams, I’m giving life every ounce of effort I have left in this battered yet beating heart of mine.

It’s no secret that every day comes with a struggle and a challenge- for all of us. But it also comes with the opportunity to make the most of our time and the love we have for life and those we’re fortunate enough to share it with.

Life without my brother will never get easier. But the lessons i’ve learned from his loss will help me to make this life as beautiful as humanly possible.

I promise you that time is a luxury I will never, ever take for granted. And I hope you don’t either.

So now, how will you make the most of the time you have?

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Lifetime resolution 

by Katie Welker

With less than one day left in 2015, there are countless articles and stories that read, “how to make 2016 the best year ever!” or “this is your year – here’s how to stick to your goals for real!” and other click-bait types of titles. ‘Tis the season, I suppose.

And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with using a new year to set intentions with a new perspective, what if we looked at New Year’s resolutions differently? What if we looked at them not just in terms of a year, but in terms of a lifetime? 

Some would argue that lifetime resolutions aren’t timely enough to take action on, but hear me out.

It’s actually a fairly simple concept: this year, similar to years past and certainly all moving forward, my resolution is to make my life one worth living. 

I told you it was simple.

There’s no catch 22, no secret recipe, and no 30-day check in. I don’t have a master plan that’s all mapped out. I don’t have a grand scheme of how to accomplish it. But what I do have is a clear understanding that not only is this the only life I have control of, but I also have no clue when it will end. None of us do. 

So that means today, tomorrow and so forth, I’m going to continue to make each day worth living. Of course that’s easier said than done. There will be days I’ll wake up feeling like garbage, think my hair looks hideous, won’t have as much motivation as I’d like, or a curveball will hit me that I probably won’t be ready for. 

But I’ll do my best anyways. 

Because what if that day I was sick or the day I had no motivation ended up being the last day of my life? What if I didn’t get a chance to see another new year come in? Those are scary questions, but they’re not ones we should be afraid to ask ourselves. 

Because the longer we live and the more years we add to our lives, the more we can really hone in on who we are, who we want to surround ourselves with, and what it is we want out of life. We can more clearly understand what it takes to create a happy life that we’re proud of. 

And that’s why my resolution isn’t just for 2016, but it’s for all of the unknown years ahead: live a life i’m proud of, course correct as needed and constantly adapt to the world around me, all while trying to keep my core values and morals in check. It’s ambitious. But in my eyes, it’s not just a resolution for the new year, but a resolution for a lifetime.