Coaching a group of high school girls entails so much more than, “here learn this skill and execute it as well as you can.”
Yes, the skills are a top priority. However, it has never been just about the sport, at least not to me. It’s about each individual girl and who they have the capability of becoming, both inside and outside of the gym. I always had coaches who cared about me as a person, not just an athlete, and that’s what I try to pay forward to the girls I coach now.
So when one of my girls came to me crying today and said, “everyone hates me, they were talking about me in the locker room, I don’t know what to do!” I told her what i’ve been telling myself pretty frequently the past few weeks: what other people think of you is none of your business.
Words can hurt, and we’re all justified in showing emotion because of the actions of others. But at the end of the day, the only aspect of your life that you have total and complete control over is yourself. That’s it. You can’t control what other people say, how they feel about you, what they discuss in front of others…. none of it.
All you can do is approach each person you meet with respect, and hope that the consideration you demonstrate is reciprocated back to you. Be kind, the world needs more of it.
I have an incredible amount of love surrounding me, both because I purposefully place it in my life and also because i’ve been fortunate enough to have my “greater plan” include love by default. This past week leading up to and including Valentine’s Day has been a comprehensive reflection of the love that I’ve had come and go.
My roommate and I have a running tradition of spending Valentine’s Day together, and this year we decided to extend the celebrations and make a full week out of it. We made Build A Bears together, had a night of sushi and wine at home, went out to the movies, and of course spent Valentine’s Day with our one true love: Canisius College basketball. It was a week of joy and affirmation that it’s important to celebrate the love that comes with great friendships.
Readers, meet Riggins.
I also had to celebrate love that is now physically gone. Tuesday marked one month since my brother passed away. It was certainly one of those days that didn’t seem real, a day where I moved through the motions in a daze, feeling numb to almost everything going on around me. I cope and grieve very well, but I’m still human and am in disbelief that he’s actually gone.
Twin’s 21st birthday. Cheers to you, brohan.
This was also the week that my first year of coaching came to an end. I love those fifteen girls more than I think they’ll ever realize, and without giving them unnecessary details, I’m very open and honest with them. They know about the passing of my brother and the loss of my job. More importantly, they know that I use coaching as a positive outlet to cope with all of the difficulties I am going through.
Those fifteen little misfits have been a sincere saving grace for me this year. Whether it was hearing them shout, “love you, coach!” when they walked out the door, telling me about their boyfriend troubles, asking for help in algebra or just watching the lightbulb go off in their minds when something I said finally clicked for them, they always gave me just what I needed.
Last home game with my misfits
Through the years, I’ve had a lot of love come and go. There has been love lost, reignited, transformed, misplaced, tarnished, discovered, nourished, jeopardized and celebrated. You can store it away and move on from it, or lock it up and throw away the key. Other times you just save it for a day when it makes more sense, or shout it from the rooftops for everyone to hear.
Just don’t forget what love has done for you, both good and bad. Love, in all of its forms, makes you who you are. And at this very moment, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Confidently Katie 