life

Let it Linger

by Katie Welker

Each night when i’m leaving my son’s room at bedtime, I linger in the doorway for a few extra moments. It started when we were building his sleep habits. I’d stand in the doorway with the hallway light flooding in so he could see me and say, “close your eyes, it’s okay, mommy loves you”. It helped give him the emotional reassurance to be alone in his own room.

But now I do it for me. The lingering is a way I try to preserve the moment, to capture the memory that I know is fleeting. To say, “I love you” just one more time so I know it’s the last thing he hears as he falls asleep.

I don’t know a single woman on this planet who wouldn’t agree that motherhood is hard. And it’s not just hard, it’s complex.

Because these sweet moments top off a day that sometimes has the emotional equivalent of a rollercoaster ride with no seatbelt. Some days it just whips you around and all you can do is white-knuckle the safety bar in hopes you’ll make it out alive. And to top it off, the feeling of guilt is a regular passenger. As if you’re the one who forgot to buckle the seatbelt so the chaos is solely your fault.

But that’s why i’ve found it’s important to linger when it’s good, and change course as quickly as possible when it’s hard.

Changing course keeps you moving forward, even if you’re zigzagging across an unknown path and no one is in sight. Even if you realize later on that you were in your own way. Even if it’s just a small side step or a deep breath. Whatever you can muster to make it better.

And how do we linger? Minimize all distractions and noise so you can be present enough to witness the moments where the opportunity to do so is right in front of you. I’ve found that presence is one of the greatest life hacks, particularly in motherhood.

So linger in the doorway at bedtime. Linger in the embrace of a hug, a giggle, a “mommy, watch this!”, “kiss it make it better”, “sing the mommy song!”, “again! again!”.

Because lingering is where the view gets good, where the world truly stops and says, “this is what it’s all about.”

It’s where you remember why you took the journey in the first place.

It’s what reminds you that it’s all worthwhile.

It’s what keeps you going.

Show up

by Katie Welker

Does anyone like attending funerals?

No?

That’s what I thought.

No one likes funerals. But ever since my brother passed away a few years ago, I basically avoid them at all costs.

However, that clearly poses a conflict every so often. You see, in my family, we were raised that no matter how difficult the situation, you show up and pay your respects. And although that’s easier said than done, it’s something we take seriously.

While i’m hesitant and protective over what I expose myself to, my sisters have stepped up to the plate more than their fair share. But this week the tables turned on me when I found out a childhood friend’s dad passed away and the services were coming up.

Immediately I thought, “I’ll send a card. I’ll make a donation. I’ll reach out, but I just can’t attend the funeral. It’s too much.”

Physically I wanted to be there. Mentally I wasn’t ready.

But when my twin sister wasn’t able to make it, I knew it was my turn to step up like she has so many times before.

Because my childhood friends are my family. They always have been. They always will be. My hometown is special and that’s how we were raised.

So I went.

And I’m so glad I did.

Because even though I fought back tears during the service and then let them out on my drive home, it was important to be there.

And here’s why.

First of all, you can’t avoid funerals forever. Death is a part of life (as my Dad has so wisely taught me).

But more importantly, sometimes you need to put your own shit aside in order to show up for the people who matter.

It’s important to be there for your friends, your family, and your community.

It’s important to pay your respects.

It’s important to honor those who have passed.

Because after all, those who are no longer living teach us how lucky we are to be alive.

And that’s worth showing up for.