Tests from the Universe

Once I decided to step away from coaching cheerleading, the Universe began to test me.

There was a period of time in between making that decision for myself, and being able to communicate that decision to everyone. It was mostly because of protocol and processes that had to be followed, but that gap of time felt like a lifetime to me.

It felt like I was constantly being poked and prodded, as if the Universe was naggingly saying, “are you sure? are you sure? are you sure?”

Until eventually, I started to doubt myself and my decision. I started wondering, “well jeez, am I sure?!”

It was brutal, and mentally and physically exhausting.

I played the “what if” game a lot, called my mindset coach crying while I was in the middle of a Kohl’s store returning some boots (this was quite the sight), and cried to my husband while trying to sort out the mess in my mind.

But then I had to come back to me and the core of who I am and where I made my decision from in the first place.

At my core, I know i’m confident, steady, energetic, and do my best to operate from a place of inclusiveness and faith. And looking back, I know that I made my decision from that place. I didn’t make it from stress, pressure or fear.

I made it from a peaceful, trusting place.

I made it from a desire to slow down and to grow. So of course those growing pains had to come along for part of the ride.

But here’s the thing. I truly believe that when the Universe tests you in this way, you have two choices: stick with the comfortable and the familiar, or move forward in faith and trust the unknown.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sticking with what’s familiar – it’s comfortable for a reason. It’s secure. It’s safe. It’s good.

But I’m at a place where I don’t want good. I want great.

And if I have to walk with blind faith into the unknown in order to see what greatness lies ahead of me, then so be it.

I’m ready.


Show up

Does anyone like attending funerals?


That’s what I thought.

No one likes funerals. But ever since my brother passed away a few years ago, I basically avoid them at all costs.

However, that clearly poses a conflict every so often. You see, in my family, we were raised that no matter how difficult the situation, you show up and pay your respects. And although that’s easier said than done, it’s something we take seriously.

While i’m hesitant and protective over what I expose myself to, my sisters have stepped up to the plate more than their fair share. But this week the tables turned on me when I found out a childhood friend’s dad passed away and the services were coming up.

Immediately I thought, “I’ll send a card. I’ll make a donation. I’ll reach out, but I just can’t attend the funeral. It’s too much.”

Physically I wanted to be there. Mentally I wasn’t ready.

But when my twin sister wasn’t able to make it, I knew it was my turn to step up like she has so many times before.

Because my childhood friends are my family. They always have been. They always will be. My hometown is special and that’s how we were raised.

So I went.

And I’m so glad I did.

Because even though I fought back tears during the service and then let them out on my drive home, it was important to be there.

And here’s why.

First of all, you can’t avoid funerals forever. Death is a part of life (as my Dad has so wisely taught me).

But more importantly, sometimes you need to put your own shit aside in order to show up for the people who matter.

It’s important to be there for your friends, your family, and your community.

It’s important to pay your respects.

It’s important to honor those who have passed.

Because after all, those who are no longer living teach us how lucky we are to be alive.

And that’s worth showing up for.