Matters of the Heart

What they don’t tell you

by Katie Welker

I have been dating the love of my life a little less than a year, though we’ve known each other and have been close friends for over ten.

One of my best girlfriends often jokes and says, “you’re finally dating your husband!” He has the loveliest heart, the kindest soul, and my love for him only grows each day…. and with each mile.

Matt and I have been dating long distance (616 miles to be exact) the entire duration of our relationship. Although there are certainly couples who have more time and distance under their belts, the separation has the same sting to it regardless of the specifics.

With my return home to Rochester right around the corner (and the end to the miles apart from both my entire family and Matt) I’ve been reflecting on all the things they don’t tell you about long distance relationships that you’re forced to learn as you go…

They don’t tell you that movie night means watching the same movie at the same time using an online link that freezes and stalls once every 20 minutes. It means texting in between scenes instead of lounging together on the couch in your sweatpants.

They don’t tell you that life is a series of mini countdowns until the next time you can see each other, and that having a visit to look forward to is one of the only things that keeps you sane.

They don’t tell you that birthdays and holidays mean coordinating around the few weekends you’re actually able to visit, and making sure you have room in your suitcase to pack the gifts.

They don’t tell you that long distance means coming home from a long hard day and having to FaceTime instead of getting the bear hug that you really need.

It means flight delays, crammed weekends seeing two families in three days, having to plan trips months in advance, paying more for flights than you do for your rent, missing big events in addition to the daily errands that keep a relationship glued together, and countless other inconveniences that all add up to a terrible heartache from being away from the one you love, not to mention a mountain of stress.

But here’s what else they don’t tell you.

That for the right person, distance really does make the heart grow fonder. It really does make you stronger, make you appreciate your partner more, hold them tighter and love them harder.

What they don’t tell you is that it’s better to be far apart than not together at all.

And most importantly, they don’t tell you that for the right person, the juice really is worth the squeeze. And it sure tastes sweet once it finally hits your lips.

my love

Which way

by Katie Welker

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been in situations where we can feel ourselves leaning toward one decision vs. another, where we’re at a tipping point of sorts. It’s a moment when a million questions are circulating through our minds at a mile a minute.

Do I go for it? Do I hold back?
Do I stay in the safe zone or jump and take a risk?

The questions don’t stop. You can’t silence them because you’re so torn over what to do.

Which direction is best?
Which provides happiness and clarity?
Which provides comfort and stability?

I’ve found that a lot of people claim there’s a distinctive moment when you know which way to go… a moment when you know what to do.

But I don’t necessarily believe that’s true.

I think it’s actually a compilation of multiple moments that add up over time until there are too many to ignore.

I think it takes so many steps in one particular direction in order to realize that maybe you’re closer to “knowing” than you thought.

It takes quite a bit of time to realize that maybe the next course of action isn’t necessarily a major leap of faith, but just another step in the direction you’ve been heading in all along.

So maybe if you’re stuck and unsure of what that next move should be, the best thing to do is to simply look at what steps you’ve already taken. I bet you’ll be surprised that in the bottom of your heart and the pit of your gut, the answer has been waiting for you all this time.