life lessons

Name your fear

by Katie Welker

Failure. Mediocrity. Unbalance. Complacency.

I’m petrified of them all becoming a reality.

I’m afraid of passing up opportunities just because the timing is less than ideal.

I’m scared that i’ll be forgotten by those who I hope remember me the most.

Even more so, i’m scared of settling and not realizing that I have. I guess that boils down to being too comfortable. Resting on my laurels sounds like the most miserable option of all time. But what if I never find what it is that i’m truly great at, never find a place that doesn’t feel like i’m a square peg in a round hole? I suppose most people may feel that way in one category of their life or another.

Worst of all, i’m scared that these fears will either hold me back or that my expectations for myself and my own life are so high that i’ll never meet them. I’ve been warned before that expectations are the root of most evil, and maybe that’s true. I aim extremely high and it’s hard for me to be satisfied. Though while I believe I’m as easy going as they come, I constantly and incessantly yearn for more intrinsic fulfillment in every and any aspect of my life.

Maybe one day all of this will add up: the late nights spent blogging to the Rolling Stones, striving to learn from people and daily experiences, wearing my heart on my sleeve with no reservation and no shame, navigating from one engaging article and one captivating novel to the next, attempting to reflect upon my incomplete and scattered thoughts, crying into a carton of ice cream over loves lost, sipping wine with my feet kicked up, walking through the neighborhood and saying hello to strangers, literally stopping to smell the flowers… it’s got to add up to something. It’s got to be a part of that greater plan of which I am equal parts orchestrator and puppet.

Whether it adds up or not, there’s one thing I know for certain: despite fear, uncertainty, frustration and doubt, I never once strayed away from who I am in this moment and who I hope to be in the next. I’ve stumbled and fallen probably more than most, but I’ve never gone outside of my own morals and values in order to figure this life out.

Want to stay true to yourself? Name your fears, then turn them into your greatest source of strength.

 

Fear

25 and hopeful

by Katie Welker

Earlier this month my twin sister and I celebrated our 25th birthday. Since I can’t reveal what I wished for when I blew out the candles — it wouldn’t come true if I did that! — I’ll instead reveal what I publicly hope to have happen by this time next year, a wish list to my future self, if you will:

Professionally

I hope that each and every day spent investing time into my career teaches me something new. If i’m not asking questions of those with more experience and knowledge than me, putting myself in new and somewhat-uncomfortable situations that help me grow, and pushing the boundaries of my potential, I will have failed. It’s easy to become complacent with your work, and I never want to allow myself to reach that point.

Platonically

I hope to continue to surround myself with people who call me out on my mistakes and blunders, love me unconditionally despite them, and never hesitate to show their true selves in my presence. I don’t know what crossroads of fate and circumstance met which allowed me to have the loveliest of friends, but I thank the stars above for each individual who helps make this life of mine worthwhile.

Personally

If you know me outside of this blog, you know that i’m a sap, a romantic, and as genuinely sentimental as they come. On most days, there’s an outpour of gratitude and adoration that I don’t even know how to handle.

To me, having a mutually-invested relationship with someone you love and trust is one of, if not the, most beautiful experiences this life can offer.

Yet i’d be lying if I said I thought I had the emotional capacity to give someone else what they deserve in a romantic relationship this year. Since the passing of my brother, the scale has tipped in an extreme way to focus on my family. The matters of my heart are a little off-balance at the moment, but i’m confident that the areas i’m choosing to invest my energy in are exactly what I need right now.

In the year to come, I’ll work on shifting that balance back to a state of normalcy. This will require keeping an open mind and being more patient with myself than i’ve ever had to be before. I’m sure it will be exhausting, but my sappy self is hopeful that this will bring the right people into my life at the right time. 

—

My 24th year was home to the most extreme circumstances: it was plagued with irreversible sadness, uplifted by romantic twists of fate, and challenged and changed every single day with tough decisions that left me in both tears of joy and sorrow. I couldn’t have foreseen any of it, and much of it will require acute attention as I push through and embrace the next year ahead.

I’d like to say I’m ready for it, but is anyone ever really ready for life’s twists and turns? 25 will be spent rolling with the punches; bring on the bruises, baby.

 

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it is right around the corner and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic, you just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it with all your heart.

 

Birthday

 

What do you wish for your future self? What do you have to do for it to come true?