I wrote an old love a new letter. I sealed it with shaky hands and mailed it knowing that it was the right thing to do, yet scared that it would fall on deaf ears and a heart that put out a passionate fire a long time ago. I practiced patience, although I had not felt that anxious in quite some time. My mind wandered. For once, there were no expectations. The ideal outcome would be an appreciative thank you and a feeling of relief knowing that I had said what I wanted to say. Because who wants to live their life wishing they had told someone how they truly felt? Not me. I raced home when I found out there was more to look forward to than I had anticipated. Black and blue ink made me cringe. The words made me laugh. I rolled my eyes when jabs at my favorite team were made, but I smiled at how a familiar disagreement brought endless memories to my mind, memories that made an experience so worthwhile. Tears filled my eyes at times, but I wouldn’t let myself cry, even if it was the happy kind. Because I was happy. That moment, that letter, those memories, those feelings, that love, that loss, that push for reconciliation… it all brought me happiness. The past can hurt, but only if you let it. Send that love letter.
Quirky
No reservations, no shame
I hold on too long. I turn spiteful when I’ve been hurt; I don’t regret it. I over-plan, over-analyze, and over-look the negatives because I choose to be happy in the moment and deal with the painful consequences later on. It will never be easy for me to see an ex with someone else, no matter how much time has passed or how much better of a fit they may be. My relationships have always been kept too close to my heart to realistically separate them from logic.
I follow my instincts to a fault. I have made mistakes and hurt those who have not deserved it. I ask questions that no one could possibly have the answer to. On most days I’m rambunctious to the point of annoyance. I usually react and then 20 minutes later wish I had handled the situation a little differently. My mind plans for a future that has never once in my whole life turned out the way I had imagined it. I forgive too quickly and am too stubborn to forget. My curiosity kicks me in the ass and makes my mind run in circles…
But despite all of that, I love with everything that I have. I faithfully commit. I will never lie. I speak my mind and say exactly how I feel, despite whether it’s ‘the right thing to say’ or not. I will never intentionally hurt. I take risks and allow myself to be completely vulnerable. You can find my heart right on my sleeve at any given moment and know with certainty that what you see is what you get. My days are filled with laughter, optimism, and good intentions. And above all else, I believe that even during the darkest of times, things will somehow work out. I believe that I will not be just okay, I will be happy. If for no other reason than because with every fiber in my being, that is all I want out of life, and that is what I will get.
Confidently Katie 