Since cheerleading has left my life and running has become unreliable, I’ve had to put in extra effort to stay fit and eat healthy. However, I think everyone can relate when I say that constantly being happy with your outward appearance can be frustrating. There’s always room for improvement, and knowing that can lead to a nasty cycle of never feeling satisfied with how you look.

My roommate Aly and I recently went bikini shopping, and contrary to most, we were pretty excited to do so. We eat well, push ourselves to the limit at the gym and keep each other motivated; we both felt pretty confident rockin’ a two-piece suit. I purchased a cute coral combo and after Aly yelled at me for asking, “okay are you sure if I stand this way I still don’t have a shadow from my love handles?” and other absurd questions, I was walking around Victoria’s Secret like I was a 6-foot runway model. Ha!

That was two weeks ago. Today was a different story.

Being the petite 4″11 quirky blonde that I am, it is pretty much a guarantee that I have to hem every pair of pants I own. I went to the tailor today and was stuck in a room with wall-to-wall full-length mirrors. As I changed in and out of nine different pairs of pants, I started to feel bad about myself and how I looked.

I’m not one to make excuses, so I couldn’t sit there and attribute my dislikes to things like the lighting of the room or the possible distortion of the mirrors. Now I know I am no body-builder (nor do I have the personal desire to be one) but I am proud of my body and how I have taken care of it throughout the near-24 years I have been on this planet. So why did I feel like an overweight wench all the sudden?

I don’t have to sit here and preach how the media portrays what is a desirable body type. While I am proud of the fact that I ignore celebrity gossip and trends as much as possible, I still fall victim to questioning whether I fit into the guidelines of society’s interpretation of beautiful.

I got into my car and realized that I had a choice – just like I believe you always do. I could go home and eat out of the two cartons of ice cream I had in the freezer (tempting) or I could go to the gym; I could sulk about how I’m not totally happy with myself today or I could actively do something about it.

I went to the gym. I didn’t have an insane workout where I felt like I could kick someone’s ass. But I took The Perks of Being a Wallflower out of my bag, hopped on the treadmill, put the incline to 6.1 and did a fast walk for a straight hour while knocking back a few chapters (i’m a slow reader.)

If you’re not happy – with how you look, what your goals are, the people you’re surrounded by, whatever it may be – do something to change it. Just make sure that you’re making a change for no one but yourself. Hollywood trends will come and go, some people will think you’re a dud while others will think you’re God’s gift to the Earth. However, the views and beliefs you have of yourself will always be the ones that matter most. At the end of the day, be confident that your choices have made you someone who you can be proud of, inside and out.

The past year has changed me. A lot. I’ve admitted my faults before, and in most cases, I am grateful for the mistakes that I’ve made. I have learned from them. And as cliche’ as it may be, I have grown to be a better woman because of them. Did I appreciate them in the moment? Absolutely not. But I am grateful for them now.

In the past 12 months, I have found myself reaching for things because they were wrapped in pieces of familiarity I yearned for. I broke my own heart letting certain people walk out of my life, only because I knew it would somehow be good for me in the long run. I gave away too many chances because I want nothing more than to believe the best in people. I took on responsibilities I was not always able to handle on my own. At times I was spiteful because I felt the need to have the last word when I had been misunderstood.

But some things about me will never change no matter the circumstances life decides to humor me with.

I’m always going to be the girl who unintentionally makes a fool of herself and then laughs it right off (side note: I believe making a fool of yourself is terribly underrated and should be done more often.) I’m 95% sure that my brain is stuck in a fantasy land where every time I walk through a door the chances of meeting the love of my life are completely in my favor (still has yet to happen.)

My nightstand will always hold five half-read books collecting dust because I have the attention span of a new puppy waiting by the door because he has to pee (nice visual, right?) My sarcastic sense of humor will always be too inappropriate for the office and other public spaces. I’ll still acquire about nine parking tickets a year and roll my eyes as my bank account drops because of it.

Not everyone will see the past year of my life in the same way. I would never expect people to. Some will cast judgement, question my decisions and actions, and possibly push me away because of it. And ya know what? That’s okay.

I know that at the end of the day, every decision I have made, action I have taken and relationship I have let come or go in my life has all been done with nothing but the best of intentions. If you have that same certainty about where you’re at right now, give yourself some credit. You don’t have to have it all figured out at once. You just have to be happy with where you’re at in this moment.