Surprises. They’re everywhere. They surround us. They suffocate us. And they hide behind every corner. Sometimes we’re surprised by joyful things — a new baby being brought into the world, a job offer, a family visit, even something as small as your friend leaving you the last timbit. But sometimes, oh sometimes surprises are devastating. They often come when you are already at what you perceive to be rock bottom, when one more thing being added to the pile would just make your body and your heart collapse altogether. You get angry. You scream. You react in a way that is so out of character that you think back and wonder who that person even was.

And then something remarkable happens… you realize that you’re still breathing. You’re still standing there, eyes open, heart pumping, and simply breathing. You are still in the fight. An ounce of hope still sits in your heart because you realize that the world is going to continue on regardless of these surprises – regardless of whether they’re joyful or painful, deserving or unjustified, wonderful or heartbreaking. Hold on to that hope and that faith that no matter what, your life is going to go on. Maybe not the way you had planned, maybe not the way you had envisioned, but it will go on in a way that makes you both appreciative of the good things that remain, and grateful for the understanding that once you’ve hit rock bottom, the only place left to go is up.

Anyone who reads this blog can pretty much piece together my life and paint a decent picture of the difficulties that I have been faced with, especially recently. I hold no shame to that. I wear my heart on my sleeve and will never regret that. I think it takes courage to not hide behind a mask and pretend you’re feeling something that you’re not. It is while hiding nothing that the truth reveals itself and life can fall into place as it is meant to.

This past Sunday I returned home from the Kairos retreat that Canisius offers. If you haven’t gone on one and you have the opportunity, you absolutely must. It is invigorating and refreshing. I did not walk out of that retreat feeling like an entirely new person, but I will tell you what I did walk away with: a little more peace of mind, a calmness in my heart, and a support system that I never knew existed and am forever grateful for.

The biggest thing that I learned on my retreat was Continue reading “Facing forgiveness” →