It took years for me to become the outspoken and extremely driven young woman I am today. I was not always the girl who felt comfortable approaching a stranger in a crowded room. I never dared to ask someone out or give them my phone number. I hid behind others and was shy and timid beyond belief. Shocking, I know. And I thank God that I’m no longer that way. It doesn’t suit me and I only wish I had realized it sooner.

The shy girl that I used to be was also, quite honestly, a fool at times. I would take one little comment a guy said and hold onto it so tightly that my knuckles would turn white. I believed that a kind remark meant a world of possibility. I was living with my head in the clouds and had no firm roots in the ground. Yet after awhile I found myself getting sick of waiting for things to happen. I was sick of having a mind full of unanswered questions and ambiguous exchanges. I’m not proud of how off my perception once was. But you learn your best lessons through some of your biggest mistakes, and after a long time, I’m at peace with that concept.

I now know that holding on to something that isn’t mutual just isn’t fair to you. Giving out second chances and having nothing change just leaves you stuck in the mud when you should be focused on moving forward. And putting yourself on the line only to be left out to dry time and time again isn’t worth the effort.

I’d like to think that I take things for face value now. And maybe that makes me jaded and cynical, but so be it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a sucker for love and will always be hopeful that the dumb mistakes I make are just putting me one step closer to finally getting it right. I take a bold approach to love and I find no shame in that. Quite honestly, I wish more people would do the same.

If you want to meet someone, ask them to hang out. If you like someone, tell them how you feel. You don’t have to get on one knee and pop the question. But honestly, what is the harm in saying, “hey I’m interested in you, I was wondering if you’d like to spend some time together.” I don’t get it. I don’t understand why it seems like the most difficult thing in the whole world to just be forward and honest about how you feel. Worst-case scenario, it’s not reciprocated. You’ll bounce back. I promise.

Learn from my mistakes if you can. At the end of the day most people, or at least the people I like to surround myself with, just want to feel loved and appreciated by those they care about. And in my experience, that cannot happen if you’re not willing to be a little bold and a little vulnerable. It can be a dangerous combination, one that could hurt you in the end and make you question yourself. But when that combination pays off, there is nothing else on the planet that compares to how worthwhile that feeling is.